i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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