I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
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I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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