and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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