Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
