i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
