There was a lot of him and a little penis
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
