Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
