i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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