I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
