I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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