I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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