I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
