yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
