Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
