I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
