community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
