well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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