the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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