The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
