Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
