the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
