the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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