in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
