she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
