A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
