Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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