I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
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My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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