then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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