dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
