fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
