hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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