Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
