evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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