I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is Oprah even human
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
