if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
