lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
