So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
