ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
