make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
