My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
