I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
