I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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