If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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