My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
