just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
