I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This baby is an asshole
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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