someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
