you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
