that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
