i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
