I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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