Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
