I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
