I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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