Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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