Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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