theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize