You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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