oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
