I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
