Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Mom said you looked used
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
