the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
