My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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