Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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