he puts the penis in happiness.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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