If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
