Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
