Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
