the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
