Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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