if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize