She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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