he laminated a picture of his dick.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
