Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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