Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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