apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
