Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
